Ever had you HEAD ripped open?
I have. A few times now. Funny old world we live in, isn't it? So AFTER my last post and little conversation with Kibbles and Bits, some of my team took notice that I... Wasn't really feeling myself. I noticed it too, after I made some comments that I... Regret? I should regret them, I know that much. Something is much screwier with my chemistry than I had initially thought.
Thought, being the main problem. Shit is like 2011 all over again... Can't trust my own fucking THOUGHTS.
Spent some time talking to our on-call Psychologist. Doctor KASE is playing fucking COY with what he thinks is fucking happening to me. I don't like being TOYED WITH. I do the toying around these parts...
And he didn't exactly give me any real solution to the problem either. He just kept asking these inane fucking questions about my memory. Which is fine, by the way.
Apparently he wants to take a "wait and see" approach to this. He fucking thinks this shit is going to change I guess... I am also not allowed to go take my FRUSTRATION out on the garbage we keep downstairs. Which is fucking linked to the personality changes I am experiencing, so I guess that... Makes sense. Emotions are... Imbalanced as shit. Sometimes I am pissed for no real reason, other times I feel like the whole goddamn UNIVERSE is trying to swallow me up, lonely just LONELY and occasionally I just don't fucking feel anything at all. But no matter how my emotions are running, one thing. ONE FUCKING THING is always the same... I don't feel right. At all. I keep shifting parts of myself... Which shouldn't be happening, because keeping myself like I was before all this, is the best way to keep me stable. I hate this.
Gleeman told me I should probably try focusing on our work. It isn't really helping, but we did manage to track our primary target to an interesting location. Couple of years back, when things around here were dying out. All the Runners getting too smart to blog about their misery... I found a new one. Some idiot college kid blogging about this shit. But that College had some weird stuff going on, and the guy in charge was a creepy fuck who wasn't one of us, and evidently wasn't a Runner either. Some kind of weird cult thing was going on there, with this weirdo, Thomas Corvin, in charge. Spinner knows more, because. Well. He was there for this entire ordeal. It is how I first made contact with the guy...
So our target, Loreid, fucked off from Europe and made a beeline to this particular College. So we assume, he has something to do with that Cult. Which is good information to have, once I am... You know. Capable of trusting myself out in the field again...
Ugh.
I'm at least glad to see Kelly is suffering at least as much as I am. Next time, I'm just going to rip him apart until there is nothing left... Can't be bothered going through this shit after this...
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Sunday, December 9, 2018
Headache
Overestimated myself, I think...
I see Kelly didn't get the same treatment I did from whoever that was. Let me tell you... I don't appreciate the interference. But I guess it doesn't really matter. I can't even bring myself to be all that upset.
His post sums up our scuffle pretty well, though he definitely downplayed the ass kicking he was getting. I was SO close to killing him, and that parasite... I should have tried focusing on snuffing out Fortissimo's life first, you know? That would have broken Kelly, if there is anything left to break. Really bring out the animal in him, before the bitter bitter end. Never killed a dead man before, you know.
And probably I should have killed Lord Vader, myself, for the hell of it. Fucker had a VERY hard time concealing his contempt for me, and the things I can do. Probably rooted in jealousy, you know. You think you're so very devout, and suddenly you see someone who is literally closer to God in every way. Must be quite the blow to his ego. Hopefully Kelly burned down the whole fucking building, and all those idiots in it. Put them all out of our misery. Heheheh.
I REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT, YOU KNOW? I've been feeling weird since the fight, and I can't put my finger on what the hell is actually wrong. Spinner and Gleeman have been talking about me all week. Whispering. I don't really care... They're as insignificant as everything else on this godforsaken hellhole of a world. Maybe I should just kill them both right now. I guess I was planning on saving them for near the end, with everyone else who was useful to me. All of them need to die for what they are, what they've done. I hate them. You know? I really hate them all.
They REALLY shouldn't talk about someone behind THEIR BACK. IT'S RUDE. And I have MURDERED people for less. TORTURED EVEN.
Just like those IDIOTS downstairs. Maybe eating THEM will make me feel better. It's like... Like I don't feel comfortable in my own SKIN right now. I DON'T EVEN HAVE SKIN ANYMORE... You know, maybe it was something Spooky McGhostbitch did to me, during the teleport. Messed with my control somehow, keeping me on EDGE. Need to figure out what the hell she was... How to kill it. REALLY deserves it for messing with my head. I hate not being in control, being MANIPULATED like this. And for what? Something that won't pan out, I am sure. Not in the long run. Nothing, NOTHING works out in the long run. Especially since, sooner or later, I will finally put a fucking end to this entire galactic shitstain of a species.
Right. I... Probably should mention my game plan going forward. Opportunity to kill Kelly seems to be fucking lost. I could track his ass down again, sure, but... Who's to say we won't get INTERRUPTED AGAIN... That leaves the Loreid situation and the Wolf Pack. Yeah... OH. Right. When I got back to the office, Jimmy wallowing in his own filth or whatever it is he does when I am away for long periods of time. A letter was delivered though, addressed to ME, and with it was a fucking DOLLY. Knitted. Said Dolly, was of ME.
The letter itself had a picture of GUESS FUCKING WHO holding said dolly, and read THUSLY.
"Dearest Scratch,
I hope this package reaches you safely.
Please accept his little gift and allow me to formally extend an invitation to dinner.
I do hope you will join us, my little lost sibling. I am an excellent cook and I suspect it has been a while since your last decent meal.
So lets share a meal before we try to kill each other, like civilized people.
Sincerely,
KnitWolf"
Well, goodness, gracious me. With such a polite invitation, how could I refuse? Name a date, Knitty, and I promise I'll be right over. Gonna request it be AFTER I get over this SHIT that whatsherfuck did to me. Wouldn't want you to catch this shit if it happens to be contagious. Really spoil all the after dinner fun, and we certainly can't have THAT, now can we? Really been looking forward to meeting you and your... Family.
SO, while I wait. That leaves this Loreid shit. Its been a while since the initial... God that shit is boring. Dull, dull, dull. He stole a FUCKING ROCK from a bigger CRUMBLING PILE of rocks. He won't succeed, and he can't even READ it, so who the fuck cares. I don't see Father caring. Fuck it. They can take care of it themselves. If they find him, good, sure. Let me know. I'll go kill his ass and whoever he is working with. But I have better things to do than going on meaningless hunts.
Or... Fuck. Fuck it. Maybe I'll feel like it when I get over this... StuckintheAlpsitis.
I see Kelly didn't get the same treatment I did from whoever that was. Let me tell you... I don't appreciate the interference. But I guess it doesn't really matter. I can't even bring myself to be all that upset.
His post sums up our scuffle pretty well, though he definitely downplayed the ass kicking he was getting. I was SO close to killing him, and that parasite... I should have tried focusing on snuffing out Fortissimo's life first, you know? That would have broken Kelly, if there is anything left to break. Really bring out the animal in him, before the bitter bitter end. Never killed a dead man before, you know.
And probably I should have killed Lord Vader, myself, for the hell of it. Fucker had a VERY hard time concealing his contempt for me, and the things I can do. Probably rooted in jealousy, you know. You think you're so very devout, and suddenly you see someone who is literally closer to God in every way. Must be quite the blow to his ego. Hopefully Kelly burned down the whole fucking building, and all those idiots in it. Put them all out of our misery. Heheheh.
I REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT, YOU KNOW? I've been feeling weird since the fight, and I can't put my finger on what the hell is actually wrong. Spinner and Gleeman have been talking about me all week. Whispering. I don't really care... They're as insignificant as everything else on this godforsaken hellhole of a world. Maybe I should just kill them both right now. I guess I was planning on saving them for near the end, with everyone else who was useful to me. All of them need to die for what they are, what they've done. I hate them. You know? I really hate them all.
They REALLY shouldn't talk about someone behind THEIR BACK. IT'S RUDE. And I have MURDERED people for less. TORTURED EVEN.
Just like those IDIOTS downstairs. Maybe eating THEM will make me feel better. It's like... Like I don't feel comfortable in my own SKIN right now. I DON'T EVEN HAVE SKIN ANYMORE... You know, maybe it was something Spooky McGhostbitch did to me, during the teleport. Messed with my control somehow, keeping me on EDGE. Need to figure out what the hell she was... How to kill it. REALLY deserves it for messing with my head. I hate not being in control, being MANIPULATED like this. And for what? Something that won't pan out, I am sure. Not in the long run. Nothing, NOTHING works out in the long run. Especially since, sooner or later, I will finally put a fucking end to this entire galactic shitstain of a species.
Right. I... Probably should mention my game plan going forward. Opportunity to kill Kelly seems to be fucking lost. I could track his ass down again, sure, but... Who's to say we won't get INTERRUPTED AGAIN... That leaves the Loreid situation and the Wolf Pack. Yeah... OH. Right. When I got back to the office, Jimmy wallowing in his own filth or whatever it is he does when I am away for long periods of time. A letter was delivered though, addressed to ME, and with it was a fucking DOLLY. Knitted. Said Dolly, was of ME.
The letter itself had a picture of GUESS FUCKING WHO holding said dolly, and read THUSLY.
"Dearest Scratch,
I hope this package reaches you safely.
Please accept his little gift and allow me to formally extend an invitation to dinner.
I do hope you will join us, my little lost sibling. I am an excellent cook and I suspect it has been a while since your last decent meal.
So lets share a meal before we try to kill each other, like civilized people.
Sincerely,
KnitWolf"
Well, goodness, gracious me. With such a polite invitation, how could I refuse? Name a date, Knitty, and I promise I'll be right over. Gonna request it be AFTER I get over this SHIT that whatsherfuck did to me. Wouldn't want you to catch this shit if it happens to be contagious. Really spoil all the after dinner fun, and we certainly can't have THAT, now can we? Really been looking forward to meeting you and your... Family.
SO, while I wait. That leaves this Loreid shit. Its been a while since the initial... God that shit is boring. Dull, dull, dull. He stole a FUCKING ROCK from a bigger CRUMBLING PILE of rocks. He won't succeed, and he can't even READ it, so who the fuck cares. I don't see Father caring. Fuck it. They can take care of it themselves. If they find him, good, sure. Let me know. I'll go kill his ass and whoever he is working with. But I have better things to do than going on meaningless hunts.
Or... Fuck. Fuck it. Maybe I'll feel like it when I get over this... StuckintheAlpsitis.
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